Weirdo.
I'm still at Lilly's flat, I don't think she's too pleased about it but she's just too nice and won't tell me to go home. She went out on a date with Eoghain last night, not too sure about that, I thought she was mad about Josh and knowing Lilly she's just trying to date Eoghain to take her mind off of Josh.
Who hasn't been in touch, by the way. I wanna go over there and help him but I don't think it's really a good idea, seems as I made him and Lilly fall out. Yet again.
I'm really gutted for him, especially after his Mum was given the all-clear. I'm getting my bags ready now and I'm gonna drive over later tonight.
It shouldn't be a problem because we're not far into the term, and MMU have organised an interview for me on Tuesday, so I have to get myself over there and get sorted and try and make a really good impression.
I'm quite confident about it, but not confident about the reaction I'll get from Lilly Josh & co once I tell them my plans.
I'm thinking of asking for a transfer to Sheffield Hallam. I can't stand not being on good terms with Lilly; she's been my best friend for as long as I can remember but I can't make it up to her when she's over there and I'm over here.
So I'm seriously thinking about trying to move; I'll be able to make the most out of my third year, and I'll be able to try and prove to Lilly that I'm not the bastard she thinks I've turned into. It's going to be a lot harder to try and persuade Josh, who rightfully thinks I'm a complete twat for what I've done to Lilly. He's so into her, and I don't blame him, but I feel a bit bitter about that too.
So, here goes.
I shouldn't have kissed Rebecca last night but it's the nearest I can get to Lilly.
And that's really bad.
So I decided to go over to Sheffield. And Lilly's out, so Rebecca invited me round to get ready at hers. Lilly's at Eoghain's house or something, so the coast is clear and I'm round there, although Rebecca had to get the girls to pinky promise they wouldn't tell Lilly I'm here; she would go absolutely mad if she found out.
I don't even know what I'm doing coming all the way over, but I'm guessing Rebecca's right and I should at least try and apologise to everyone.
So here goes.
And that sucks.
She should give it up.
Yesterday didn't go very well at the hospital. When I finally had the courage to go up there, Summer was already there. Not good. And then Lilly turned up, which just made me feel ten times more shit than I did already. With how much I wanted to talk to her, and knowing that was just not the time or place, it was bad. Summer kicked off and had a go at Lilly and basically we had to leave.
I was a bit gutted at being made to leave cos I know what Lil's like and I know what Josh's like, and they're probably laughing away having made up by now. And yeah I'm jealous but I just didn't want it to happen, not yet. I wanted the chance to speak to Lilly on her own, and speak to Josh on his own. Hopefully they'll still let me have that.
So anyway I found that I didn't have anywhere to go, and Summer offered for me to stay at her place. I was a bit reluctant at first - I fucking hate the bitch - but I didn't have anywhere else to stay. So I went round, and she got us drunk and tried it on with me. I told her to go fuck herself and ended up staying on the sofa.
So now it's gonna get around Hallam that I too have had it off with Summer, which is going to make things even more hell.
Bad times.
Even if I'm not cool with whatever, I'm going to show I am. As soon as he gets better I'm sure he's going to knock my teeth out or something for screwing up his girlfriend-to-be. Either way, gotta face the music.
She told me not to talk about it at the party, but I had to go and push it. And Josh had to find out, and instead of facing up to the consequences of my own actions, I had to go push it with him too and ruin everything not only between me and Lil, but between her and Josh too.
I admit defeat.
Okay I need to stop thinking about this tonight. I need to host this wonderful fucking party.
Let's get the beers out.
